Navigating New Spaces as an Autistic Person:
The Exhausting Dance of Fitting In (or Not)
You know that moment when you walk into a room full of people you don’t know, and suddenly you’re hit with the cold, prickly sensation of, "Do I even belong here?" Yeah, I woke up with that feeling today—like I’m an outsider again, awkwardly trying to figure out the social dance steps everyone else seems to know. And trust me, after a lifetime of masking, unmasking, and straight-up overthinking every little interaction, I’m exhausted.
See, I’ve been dipping my toes into new communities lately. New hobbies, new people, new everything. It’s exciting… and terrifying. Because here’s the thing about meeting new people when you’re neurodivergent: it’s like trying to play a game without knowing the rules—while everyone else seems to have read the instruction manual twice. I understand what it feels like to be a quiet observer of life, trying to crack the code of human interaction. Let’s work together to build communication strategies that feel authentic to you.
To my fellow ASD or AuDHD folks, you feel me, right? It’s that tightrope walk between excitement and sensory overload. You're curious, you're diving in, and then... boom, overstimulation knocks the wind right out of you.
As someone who has spent a lifetime studying human behavior, trying to understand its complexities, I’ve walked a path many autistic individuals can relate to. From an early age, I became a keen observer of the way people interact—constantly analyzing social cues, body language, and emotional expressions to understand what may feel intuitive to others. This lifelong practice has given me a unique insight into human connection that directly informs my work as a life and relationship coach.You don’t have to change who you are to find meaningful connection. Together, we’ll find ways to deepen your relationships while staying true to yourself.
Do They Think I'm Annoying or Just Curious?
You know what’s wild? I’m often the one asking questions that other people are too afraid to ask. I’ll be in a group setting, and I’ll ask the kind of question that makes everyone go, “Oh, good point!” And I’m like, yeah, I know, you’re welcome. But the flip side? I’ve also been told my questions come across as annoying, judgmental, or repetitive. It’s like I’m either the hero or the villain of the conversation, no in-between.
Ever feel like you’re asking the right questions, but it rubs people the wrong way? It’s like, sorry for clarifying but I really just want to know what’s happening!
And the group chats? Oof. I’ll ask something, and crickets. Then hours later, the conversation picks up again as if everyone magically has all the answers. Meanwhile, I’m over here still confused, wondering if I missed a secret meeting or something. It’s honestly one of the most isolating parts of being neurodivergent in social settings—feeling like you’re always a step behind, even when you’re trying so hard to keep up
Being autistic means I’ve always been aware of how differently I process social interactions compared to neurotypical people. For many of us on the spectrum, navigating relationships—whether romantic, familial, or social—can feel overwhelming. The world doesn’t always make sense, and neither do the unspoken rules of relationships.
Because I’ve lived this experience, I deeply understand the struggles that come with communication, empathy, and emotional attunement. These are not just topics I’ve studied, but challenges I’ve personally overcome, making me particularly well-suited to guide others who feel like outsiders in a neurotypical world.
Networking: Where I Shine (and Overanalyze)
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love networking events. Meeting new people, grabbing coffee, exchanging ideas—sign me up! But let’s be real. Networking is kind of like speed dating. You’re not really building deep, soulful connections at that moment. You’re figuring out if there’s any potential for something more meaningful later. The real connections come when you’re out of the noise, sipping coffee and having a real conversation.
But in the moment? Anyone else spiral afterward, replaying every conversation, analyzing all the things you didn’t say? Yeah, that’s me, too. Did I make a good impression? Did I ask the right questions? Should I follow up or am I just being a bother?
And overstimulation after a networking event? Oh boy. By the time I get home, I’m goose-pimply from the sensory overload. Lights, sounds, people—all of it leaves me feeling like I’ve run a marathon. Sometimes, all I want is to curl up in bed, bury myself under my blankets, maybe cry a little to reset my system, and hope that tomorrow will be a bit kinder on my nervous system. Other times, I just need a big squeeze-hug to ground me. Social connection doesn’t have to be draining. I’ll guide you to connect with others while honoring your need for personal space and boundaries.
Masking vs. Unmasking: The Exhausting Balancing Act
You don’t have to fake empathy or 'mask' your emotions. I’ll help you tap into your natural empathy in ways that feel genuine and empowering.
Here’s where it gets even trickier. In professional settings, I mask like a pro. It’s exhausting, but I’ve gotten damn good at it. But socially? I’m working hard to stop masking. It’s a weird thing to navigate, though. I’m trying to let people see the real me, but after years of blending in and adapting to “fit in,” vulnerability is… well, a little terrifying. Am I being too much? Too little? Am I oversharing, or worse under-connecting?
It’s that classic autistic dilemma: Mask and be accepted, but burn out? Or unmask and risk being misunderstood? I know my fellow autistic and ADHD folks get it. Some days, it feels like no matter which option I choose, I end up exhausted and second-guessing myself.
Feeling misunderstood? As someone who's been there, I can help you develop tools to express your feelings and needs without feeling overwhelmed.
I work with clients to find their unique communication style, develop self-compassion, and learn to express feelings authentically. Instead of teaching you to mask or conform, I’ll guide you in deepening relationships in a way that feels aligned with who you truly are. Emotional attunement doesn’t have to mean feeling overwhelmed. I can help you cultivate compassion and empathy in ways that respect your boundaries and personal capacity.
Compliments, Invitations, and That Weird In-Between Feeling
Here’s the kicker: I genuinely don’t always know if people like me or if they’re just being polite. I’ll get invited to things, sure, but I always wonder if it’s because people want me there or if they’re just too nice to leave me out. People-pleasers, you know? And compliments? Sometimes I wonder if they’re real or if I’m just being patronized. Either way, I just smile, nod, and say thank you, while my brain does cartwheels trying to make sense of it all.
Do you ever feel that way? Like you’re being invited out of obligation, not genuine desire? It’s such a confusing feeling. I want to believe the best, but man, those lingering doubts have a way of sticking around. I know how frustrating it can be to feel like you're missing a social roadmap everyone else seems to have been given. You may have felt disconnected or struggled with small talk and emotional exchanges that seem effortless for others. I’ve been there, too.
And while I understand these challenges, I also know the joy that comes from creating deep, authentic relationships. Through my coaching, I’ll help you build the skills to navigate your own version of connection—whether that’s improving communication with a partner, making new friends, or simply feeling more comfortable in social situations.
At the end of the day, I’m still working on it. Figuring out who I am, where I belong, and whether the connections I make are real or just surface-level niceties. And honestly, I may never have all the answers. But hey, at least I’m asking the right questions, right? Let’s redefine what connection means for you as well and create relationships where you can feel understood and accepted for who you are.
