What to Expect in Your First Session:

Apr 22

A Real-World Look at Coaching with Me

So, you’re thinking about booking your first session—or maybe you already have. You’re curious, probably a little nervous, and wondering what’s going to happen once we start. Will you be analyzed? Do you have to share your deepest secrets right away? Are you expected to cry, talk about sex, or explain your childhood in detail?

Let’s take a breath. I’ve got you.

This blog is here to walk you through what actually happens in a first session with me. The goal is transparency. Not a pitch. Not a performance. Just a real, honest look at how I begin this work with clients and what you can expect when we sit down—whether that's in person or virtually.

This Isn't a Consultation—It's a Session

I stopped offering free consultations. Not because I don't value your time or your questions, but because what I offer in a first session is already rich, deep, and personal. I’ve learned over time that my presence, my skills, and the way I work are best experienced in practice, not explained in a sales call. You have to be there, present, to be able to FEEL how working with me will feel. Talking to me on the phone about what we might do in a hypothetical sense doesn’t really explain it and I can’t possibly give you details on how we’d work together until we work together.

So, from the beginning, we begin.

Your first session is 60–75 minutes long. And yes, you are in the driver's seat. This is your time. I use that first session to really listen—without analyzing, fixing, or trying to figure you out.

What I’m Paying Attention To

You’ll probably start by telling me what feels most important for you to share. That’s incredibly valuable—because what you bring forward first tells me a lot. Not necessarily about “what’s wrong,” but about what you believe matters most.

As you speak, I’m listening not just to your words, but to your tone, your pacing, your body language. I’m attuning. I’m feeling into how it might feel to be you—how your emotional landscape moves, where it might feel tight or soft, what makes you light up or shut down.

I’m also noticing my own internal experience. Every time I feel a flicker of emotion in my own body—whether it’s grief, hope, frustration, or protectiveness—I make a mental note, like putting a little pin in that spot. That emotional response helps me empathize with how others in your life might be receiving you, and it tells me something meaningful about the emotional field you’re navigating.

I’m Not Here to Fix You—I'm Here to Be With You

I want to be very clear: I am not here to "fix" you. I am not diagnosing or pathologizing. I'm not putting together a treatment plan based on what's wrong. Coaching with me is a process of co-discovery—not solving.

In that first session, I ask questions out of genuine curiosity. I validate where it’s needed. I might clarify or reflect what I’m hearing, not to challenge you, but to begin to understand how you use language—what certain words mean to you emotionally, not just semantically.

It’s Like a First Date

In many ways, a first session is like a first date. Not the awkward, trying-to-impress kind. The good kind—the one where you’re really feeling out the connection. We’re exploring what it feels like to sit across from each other, how it feels to be heard, and what it’s like to be witnessed without judgment.

I’m showing up fully as myself—regulated, grounded, open, and real. There’s no pitch, no bait-and-switch. What you see is what you get. And I’m also feeling into whether this container will feel safe and solid for the work you want to do.

Consent First—Always

One of the most important things I establish in a first session is this: your consent is sacred. Nothing I suggest is ever mandatory. If I offer a question, a reflection, or an exercise and your answer is “no,” that’s not a problem—it’s a celebration.

We might pause and explore the “no” together—what emotion came up? What belief or memory was activated? But your “no” is never a threat to the work. In fact, it is the work.

When we continue into future sessions and begin engaging in experiential exercises—like role-playing a conversation, working with body awareness, or even kink/BDSM-informed coaching—this foundational understanding of consent remains front and center. Especially when working in containers involving power dynamics, vulnerability, or sexual energy, clear agreements, safewords, and ongoing check-ins are non-negotiable.

You get to decide what feels right for your body, and your voice always leads the way.

What We Might Touch On in the First Session

Depending on what you bring forward, we may explore:

Why you’re seeking coaching now
What you’re struggling with in your relationships (with self or others)
How you’ve been feeling in your body
What you want that you haven’t been able to have
What makes you feel disconnected, stuck, or numb
Your past experiences with therapy, coaching, healing work
What makes you feel seen, heard, and safe

You don’t need to tell me your whole life story. You don’t need to perform emotional availability. And you don’t need to have all the answers. Just bring you.

Coaching vs. Therapy—Why I Do This Work

Toward the end of a first session, I’ll often take a few minutes to explain how coaching is different from therapy—especially somatic coaching.

I talk about how therapy can be deeply valuable, especially for diagnostic needs, medical treatment, or complex mental health conditions. But coaching, especially the kind I do, is experiential and embodied.

I don’t just talk about problems—I practice solutions with you, in real time.

If you tend to shut down during conflict, I might gently step into a role-play with you and help you notice the signals in your body. I’ll offer real-time, compassionate feedback on the words you use, how they land emotionally, and suggest alternative ways to communicate.

You’ll feel the difference in your body.

If there’s trauma you want to explore, we’ll do it somatically. That might mean sitting with a stuck feeling while I stay with you, co-regulating and gently guiding you toward what’s underneath. It might mean supporting your inner child as they express something that was never safe to say.

You’ll learn what it literally feels like in your nervous system to be in connection—with yourself and with me.

The Relationship Is the Healing

Let me say that again- The relationship we build together IS THE HEALING. It’s the proof and the receipts you need to be able to go into the world and build valuable and rewarding, amazing connections and relationships with others.

What makes this work different is not just the skills we practice. It’s the container.

This is not a cold, clinical space. This is a relationship that models secure attachment—a place where you are welcomed exactly as you are, where your honesty is met with care, and where your emotions are safe to feel and express. Just like any relationship, there can be missteps, but the glory of the design is that you and I get to work on how to repair your relationships by working on ours.

I appreciate your presence. I value what you bring. I hold your growing edges with reverence.

Whether we’re working on intimacy, desire, communication, grief, kink, partnership, or self-trust—what heals is not just the insight. It’s the experience of being in a relationship that’s grounded, honest, and safe.