The Problem with Toxic Positivity: Why Feeling All Your Feelings is the Key to Healing

We’ve all heard it before: “Just look on the bright side!” or “Good vibes only!” While these sentiments might be well-meaning, they’re often anything but helpful. In fact, this relentless focus on positivity, often referred to as toxic positivity, can cause deep emotional harm.

What is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity, as defined by Psychology Today, is the act of “actively avoiding, suppressing, or rejecting negative emotions.” When we deny ourselves the space to feel and process “negative” emotions, we’re not just brushing off sadness, anger, or fear—we’re denying a fundamental part of being human.

This avoidance leads to a disconnect from our emotions. When we don’t allow ourselves to feel, we may even start to believe we’re incapable of experiencing certain emotions. This can make it incredibly difficult to empathize with others, as we’ve become out of touch with the emotional spectrum that connects us to the people around us.

And the most profound disconnection? The one we feel from ourselves.

Why Negativity Isn’t the Enemy

On the flip side of toxic positivity lies its sibling: chronic negativity. Cynicism, constant criticism, and “doom-and-gloom” thinking are equally harmful. Living in this space can keep you stuck in cycles of depression, anxiety, or rage. Both toxic positivity and chronic negativity are two extremes of the same spectrum, and neither supports emotional well-being.

So, what’s the alternative?

The Balanced Approach: Feeling Everything

All emotions are messages from your body. Whether society labels them “positive” or “negative,” your feelings serve a purpose. Anger might be telling you a boundary has been crossed. Sadness might be urging you to slow down and reflect. These emotions aren’t wrong—they’re guides.

The key is to allow yourself to feel them fully, to listen to the messages they carry, and to move through them. This process creates balance—a space where you honor your hurt and embrace your joy. It’s not about fixing your emotions but learning from them and using them to better understand yourself and your relationships.

Why Connection Matters

When clients come to me, I help them reconnect with the parts of themselves they’ve shunned or feared. Maybe they’ve spent their lives avoiding sadness, fearing it might consume them. Or perhaps they’ve rejected joy, believing it’s fleeting or undeserved.

In our work together, I provide acceptance, empathy, and compassion. I listen without judgment, creating a safe space for emotions to land and resonate. I don’t push my clients to “move on” or “reframe” their experiences prematurely. Instead, I deshamify their feelings, allowing them to process without fear or self-criticism.

Sometimes, we use physical movement to reset the nervous system, and other times we focus on identifying emotions in the body. These practices help clients understand what their emotions are communicating.

Who Is This Blog For?

This blog is for anyone who feels stuck in emotional extremes. Maybe you’re the optimist who refuses to acknowledge hurt, or the cynic who scoffs at positivity. Either way, both approaches can disconnect you from your authentic self and the people around you.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated with someone on the opposite end of this spectrum, it might be time to explore how your own approach could be holding you back.

The Power of Feeling

When you embrace all of your emotions—the ones society celebrates and the ones it shuns—you open the door to healing and growth. You reconnect with yourself in a profound way, discovering that even the parts you fear deserve love and recognition.

So, let me ask you: What do you feel about that?

Let’s Work Together

If you’re ready to explore the emotions you’ve hidden away, let’s connect. Whether you’re scared to feel sadness, anger, or even joy, I’m here to help you navigate those feelings with compassion, humor, and grace. Because every part of you deserves to be seen, felt, and loved.