The Art of Being a Good Sub That Even the Brats and Bad Ones Need to Know
So, you want to be a good sub? Not just any sub, but the kind that a Dom trusts, values, and genuinely wants to play with? Then listen up, because I’m about to give you the inside scoop on what makes a sub stand out in the best way possible—and what makes us hesitate.
The Biggest Red Flag: “I’ll Try Anything Once”
If you ever say this to a Dom, especially one who is a Sadist or a Daddy Dom, know that we’re already second-guessing you. Why? Because submission isn’t about throwing yourself blindly into experiences. It’s about knowing yourself—your boundaries, your desires, and your limits.
A good Dom needs to trust that you will safe word when necessary. If you don’t know your own boundaries, how can we trust that you’ll speak up if something goes too far? A responsible sub is one who has taken the time to explore what they want, what they don’t want, and what they might be curious about—before stepping into a scene.
Knowing Your Boundaries = Earning Our Trust
Submission is personal. Your role is to tune into your body, your emotions, and how the experience is affecting you. As a Dom, my job is to create the space for you to sink into submission safely, but if I suspect that you might not speak up for yourself, it limits how deep I can take you.
Great submission isn’t about blind obedience—it’s about trust. And trust goes both ways.
What Do You Want to Feel?
A scene isn’t just about actions; it’s about the psychology behind them. When negotiating, a good Dom will ask you:
What do you want to feel during the scene?
What experience are you looking for?
What emotions do you want to explore?
It’s not enough to say, “I like paddles but not canes.” That’s great, but what about your emotional state? Do you want to feel used, degraded, nurtured, disciplined, cherished, ignored, broken down, or built up? The way a Dom structures a scene depends on your answers. If you don’t know, that’s okay—but be honest about it so your Dom can guide you safely.
Knowing What You Don’t Want i s Just as Important
Every sub has something that shuts them down. Dissociating is not the same as sub-space, and a triggered trauma response is not what we want. BDSM is about trust, not harm. A good Dom is attuned, but we aren’t mind readers. You need to communicate what doesn’t work for you so we can create an experience that is intense, fulfilling, and safe.
If you’re new, I get it—it’s a lot. But that’s why these conversations happen before play ever begins.
Trust: The Final Piece of the Puzzle
Trust is everything. And no, not just calling your Dom “Sir” or “Daddy” on day one—that’s surface-level trust. Real trust comes from knowing that your Dom has your best interests at heart because they’ve earned that place in your life.
Don’t say yes to something just because you think it’s what we want to hear. We don’t want blind submission; we want earned submission. That’s what makes a scene powerful. That’s what makes submission safe, fulfilling, and, honestly, fucking incredible.
Your Homework: Do the Work to Be a Good Sub
Here’s what I want you to do:
Write out your hard and soft limits. What are your absolute no’s, and what are your maybes?
Define how you want to feel in a scene. Not just the actions, but the emotions you want to experience.
Reflect on your ability to safe word. Do you trust yourself to use it when needed?
Being a good sub isn’t about saying “yes” to everything. It’s about being so in tune with yourself that your Dom can trust you completely. That’s what makes submission truly beautiful.
So, are you ready to do the work?
