Ghosted? Yeah, That Sucked—Now What?
So, you were seeing someone, maybe even feeling the spark, and then—poof! They disappeared faster than your motivation to go to the gym on a Monday. No warning, no explanation, just radio silence. Ghosting: the modern dating plague that leaves you staring at your phone wondering if you accidentally offended them, if they were abducted by aliens, or if they just spontaneously combusted. (Weirder things have happened, right?). Ghosting is HEAVY and the hurt and confusion it leaves behind is worse than if the person broke up over text- which also sucks, BTW!
First, let’s get this out of the way: it’s not about you. I know, I know, it feels personal. It feels like a direct rejection of your entire existence. But more often than not, ghosting happens because the ghoster (yes, we’re calling them that) lacks the skills, courage, or emotional regulation to handle uncomfortable conversations. Their attachment style might make confrontation feel impossible, or they may have never learned how to navigate relationships in a healthy way.
Why Do People Ghost? (giving you information and not making excuses)
Let’s be real—most of us have ghosted someone at some point. Maybe it was someone we weren’t really into, and instead of having an awkward conversation, we just…faded out. Or maybe we got overwhelmed, didn’t know how to say “I’m not feeling this,” and let time do the dirty work. Some common (but not excusable) reasons people ghost:
Shame. They feel bad about not liking you and don’t know how to handle it, so they vanish.
Emotional Avoidance. No one taught them how to navigate conflict, so they freeze and disappear.
Panic. They think a direct conversation will be messy or painful, so they choose avoidance.
Life Happened. In rare cases, someone actually did lose their phone, have an emergency, or get abducted by aliens. (But let’s not bank on that.)
Again, none of this justifies ghosting. Being an adult means handling tough conversations. And if someone lacks the skills to do that, they probably aren’t ready for a healthy relationship anyway.
How to Deal When You’ve Been Ghosted
I won’t sugarcoat it—getting ghosted sucks. It can chip away at your self-esteem, make you second-guess everything, and create anxiety about dating in general. But you don’t have to let it eat you alive. Here’s what can help:
Feel the Feels. Anger? Hurt? Embarrassment? Whatever comes up, let it be there. Suppressing emotions only makes them louder later.
Check Your Narrative. Instead of spiraling into, “I’m unlovable,” try “Wow, that person didn’t have the emotional tools to communicate.”
Move Your Body. When we feel rejection, it lives in the body. Using somatic practices like shaking it out, deep breathing, or even a long walk can help reset your nervous system. Change your environment, your music (sad, sappy love songs that remind of the times spent with the ghoster won’t do anything but keep you spiraling like a broken record)
Give Yourself What You Need You don’t need their explanation to heal. Sometimes, we have to close the door ourselves and move forward without answers. Whatever it is that you need- to vent, journal, get together with friends, nice hot bubble bath, new outfit complete with shoes and accessories (I admit that last one would be the thing I allow myself to do). Nothing that self-sabotages but getting out of that post- ghosting slump can help change your mood.
Don’t Let It Stop You. One (or even a few) ghosters don’t define your worth or your future dating life. Keep going.
What to Do Instead of Ghosting (For the Ghosters Among Us)
Let’s say you’re on the other side—you’re the one who wants to ghost. Maybe you’re scared of hurting their feelings, or you just don’t know what to say. Here’s a radical idea: be honest. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. Something as simple as:
"Hey, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t think we’re a match. Wishing you the best!"
"I’ve realized I’m not in the right place for a relationship right now. I didn’t want to just disappear, so I wanted to let you know."
Short. Direct. Kind. And boom—you’re a decent human being who doesn’t leave people emotionally spiraling. If you feel ashamed, believe me, ghosting someone won’t help you feel better, it will still haunt you.
Need Help Moving On? I Got You.
Getting ghosted can shake your confidence, but it doesn’t have to define how you approach dating. I help people work through breakups (yes, even the non-verbal ones), process their emotions, and step into their next relationship with self-assurance instead of fear. Somatic coaching can help you release the pain physically, emotionally, and energetically so you’re not carrying rejection into your future relationships.
If ghosting has left you feeling stuck, let’s talk. Breakup coaching is one of my favorites because the transformation is real. You get to heal, rebuild, and stop worrying that every new date will disappear into thin air. Sound like something you need? Reach out, and let’s start the process together.
