Exploring Your Emotional Goo: A Guide to Self-Discovery in Relationships
I'm Heidi Oh, your love and intimacy coach. I wrote this blog to tell you about something that I believe is the cornerstone of authentic and deep relationships: our emotional goo. Yes, you heard that right—goo! It’s that sticky, messy part of us that we often hide away, but it’s also where our true selves reside. Embracing and sharing this goo can lead to profound self-discovery and deeper connections with our partners. So, let’s dive in and explore this fascinating concept together.
What is Emotional Goo?
Emotional goo represents our innermost feelings and emotions. It’s the stuff we might consider too messy or unseemly to show others, shaped by our tragedies, passions, fears, and joys. Society often conditions us to believe that these raw parts of ourselves should be hidden, but in reality, they are our truest expressions of humanity. Our goo is neither right nor wrong—it just is. Embracing it can help us live more authentically and connect more deeply with those around us.
The Importance of Self-Connection
Before we can share our emotional goo with others, we must first connect with it ourselves. The deepest connection we can have is the one we have with ourselves. This self-connection is the foundation for all other relationships in our lives. When we understand and accept our own goo, we can approach others with empathy and authenticity. Here are some steps to help you start this journey of self-discovery:
Acknowledge Your Feelings:
Take time to sit with your emotions, whatever they may be. Don’t judge them as good or bad—just let them be. When you feel that urge to move to a more desirable feeling don’t give into it. Let fear be fear, let shame sit there for a few minutes before you move on to something else. The idea of this exercise is that you begin to notice how your body feels- literally how your body physically feels- during each different emotion
Journal:
Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process and understand them better. Be sure to include where you feel each one in your body. When anger comes at you, where do you notice is first? Don’t think about it too hard. Feel it then note it in your journal- then you can add in details about what led to the feeling.
Practice Somatic breathing:
Spend a few minutes each day in quiet reflection. Focus on your breath and breathe “into” different parts of your body. Make mental note as to what parts feel easier to have air move to them and what parts are more resistant to energy flow.
Seek Professional Help:
Sometimes, we need guidance to navigate our inner worlds. A coach like me, can provide valuable support and can also help show you how to do those things that have been suggested to you by your therapist!
Sharing Your Goo with Your Partner
Once you’ve connected with your own goo, the next step is to share it with your partner. This can be a daunting task, especially if you’re not used to being vulnerable. However, it’s essential for building a deep and meaningful relationship. Here’s how to start:
Create a Safe Space:
Ensure that both you and your partner feel safe to share. By creating a space together that I call the “relationship lab” is a way to take the heat off of trying to get it perfect! When we think of a “lab” like a place to experiment and ask questions, learn about one another, it shifts the perspective. This means no judgment, criticism, or interruptions. Negotiate your needs and boundaries when entering into the relationship lab together.
Use “I” Statements:
Speak from your own perspective to avoid blaming or accusing your partner. For example, say, “I feel sad when…” instead of “You make me sad when…”. Talk about YOU (not the other person) in first person.
Be Honest and Open:
Share your true feelings, even if they’re messy or uncomfortable. Remember, your goo is a part of you, and it’s important to be seen as you are. Your partner is looking to connect. Not being upfront about your feelings means that they are trying to connect with something that isn’t who you are. They can’t read your mind but they want to know you. If you aren’t sharing honestly, those mis truths will cause you to have resentment and your partner to become confused at some point. It’s much easier to establish this kind of truth telling in the beginning than to fix it later- of course that can be done too!
Listen Actively:
When your partner shares their goo, listen with empathy and without interruption. Validate their feelings and let them know they’re heard. When you set some ground rules in the relationship lab it will take the stress of each of you knowing that you’ll be able to talk and speak your experiences too. When these rules are not laid out to begin with the listening partner may interrupt because they aren’t sure if they will get their turn.
The Benefits of Sharing Goo
When we share our emotional goo with our partners, we create a space for genuine intimacy and connection. When we are in the relationship lab together, it not only feels safe to share vulnerably but it can also foster deeper connections. Intimacy is built anytime you share something with someone, it doesn’t have to be sexual, that you don’t share with anyone else. Many of us have intimate friendships too! One of the biggest indicators of long lasting love is empathy, compassion, and kindness towards each other. Being in the relationship lab with your partner gives you time and a space to share openly which builds trust too. When both partners are equally willing to be vulnerable, a connection is made and then strengthened over time the more times this happens.
Personal Growth:
Embracing our goo helps us grow as individuals and become more self-aware. Society often teaches us to suppress our emotional goo. We’re conditioned to believe that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness or that we must always be in control. Overcoming this conditioning requires conscious effort and a willingness to challenge these beliefs. Here’s how you can start:
I say- challenge negative beliefs! : Question the societal norms that tell you to hide your feelings. Replace them with affirmations that celebrate vulnerability and authenticity. You will find it easier to do this when you Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Build a network of friends, family, or a community that values and supports emotional openness. Educating yourself by reading (or listening) to books and going to hear speakers talk on the subject of love and relationships will also help with personal growth and development. These ideas transfer to other areas of your life as well! Once personal growth starts happening you’ll see your career, interpersonal relationships, finances, spiritualty- ALL areas will shift!
Embrace the Goo
Our emotional goo is an integral part of who we are. It’s messy, it’s raw, and sometimes it’s uncomfortable, but it’s also where our deepest truths and connections lie. By embracing our goo and sharing it with our partners, we open the door to deeper intimacy, trust, and personal growth. Remember, the journey to self-discovery and authentic connection starts with you. So, take a deep breath, dive into your goo, and let it guide you to a more fulfilling and connected relationship.
